I am worth only about $2 million

I am worth $2,007,344.00 on HumanForSale.com

Kind of cheap if you ask me ... Any takers?

70 degrees outside

This is cruel! I know I complained a lot when it was -30 outside, but at least I had an incentive to stay inside and study. Now, when exams are only 3 weeks away, the weather turns nice. Instead of thinking about Corporate Taxation or Federal Jurisdiction, I have all kinds of silly thoughts about walks in the park, playing freesbee, or having wild orgies. So please, let there be snow and cold until the exams are over!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Answer by MBA Student:

Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Boston Consulting Group, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Utilizing the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), BCG helped the chicken to leverage its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.


Law Student:

In the matter of People v. Chicken, the chicken pleads not guilty. The chicken has no recollection of the alleged road crossing on the alleged road crossing date. In addition, the alleged road is not actually a road but a paved right-of-way. U.S.C. Sec. 3456(a)(2)(F)(iii) defines road as "An open, generally public way for the passage of vehicles, people, and animals." The paved surface in question was not a road because it was not open for the passage of animals.

Furthermore, U.S. Constitition guarantees the chicken a right to a speedy trial by an impartial jury. Chicken's due process rights are violated because chickens are deliberately excluded from the pool of qualified jurors.

In the alternative, the chicken's road crossing should be mitigated to an "involuntary path crossing" offense. The chicken's offense was commited under an adequate provocation after the chicken saw the road being traversed by another rooster.

Medical Student:

The patient came in complaining of chicken road crossing. Symptoms include sudden urges to cross things, rapid leg movement, and geospacial dislocation of the body. Performed MRI, heart palpation, and a rectal examination. The origins of this misterious affliction remain puzzling and more testing is necessary. Because the patient is uninsured, sent him home with instructions to drink more liquids.

Computer Science Student:

10 DIM CHICKEN AS VARIANT;
20 DIM ROAD AS LONG;
30 LET CHICKEN = "FEATHERS, BEAK, YUMMY MEAT";
40 DO WHILE 1=1;
50 CALL SUB CHICKEN_CROSS_ROAD (CHICKEN, ROAD);
60 LOOP;
70 END.

Philosophy Student:

[Add your own in the comments]

Sick

Me feel sicky ... Brain not work .... citechecking due tomorrow ... very very bad ...

My Living Will

I, Daniel M., being of sound mind and body, hereby grant authority over my handling should I enter a persistent vegetative state to the United States Congress pursuant to the following conditions:

Congress shall convene for the sole purpose of determining whether or not I should be sustained or allowed to die. A special quorum for this session shall consist of at least 62% of the House of Representatives and 70% of the Senate present and accounted for. Both houses of Congress must each agree, by a simple majority, on the same course of action.

In the event of a tie in the House of Representatives, the tie shall be broken by the non-voting representative from American Samoa. If this individual is not available to break a tie, other non-voting representatives shall be called upon in the following priority:
Guam
Puerto Rico
U.S. Virgin Islands
Washington DC
A Coin Flip conducted by the youngest present congressman

In the Senate, a tie shall be broken by a potato sack race between the eldest Senators for each side of the argument. If one such Senator is a Senator from Idaho, he or she is to be considered to have an unfair advantage and his spot will be passed to the next-eldest non-Idaho Senator. This race shall be no shorter than 50 meters and no longer than 100 meters.

If Congress is unable to make a determination based on the conditions set forth above, then the decision whether or not to keep me alive with machines shall fall to the Bush twins. If Jenna is unable to serve in this capacity, then Bjork may cast a vote in her place. If Barbara is similarly unavailable, her vote may be cast by a well-trained parrot of Jenna's choosing.

In the event of a tie between the Bush twins (or their aforementioned proxies) then that tie shall be broken by the oldest living descendent of Adlai Stevenson.

If neither Bush twin is available to determine my fate, I would like to convene a blue ribbon panel of Dungeons And Dragons players for this purpose. The 12-person panel shall be selected by the United States Supreme Court, and will meet in the rotunda of the US Capitol building. They are to be the best such players currently available (as determined by court-appointed experts). They shall set about determining my fate based on my assorted attributes and several rolls of 20-sided die.

If it proves impossible to convene such a panel (or they are split evenly), and I am married, I would like my spouse to make the decision, but not before conducting no fewer than 75 television interviews. Any and all political causes are hereby authorized to co-opt her name and likeness for their own agendas, except the Sierra Club and National Association of Home Builders.

If I am unmarried or am married to someone who is unreasonably shy, and I have been determined not to be able to ever communicate again in any meaningful way, then please just let me die.


I shamelessly stole this from Andy Maskin